The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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