i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
