if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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