Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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