I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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