What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How does one acquire holy water?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
