I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
