I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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