Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
