Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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