dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
