I think my fart just growled at me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
