I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
