Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize