Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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