We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
