if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
