I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You are a genius and a whore.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
