i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
