I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
