everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
