buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
