imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
