We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
