now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
