so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
