It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
