just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
