I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
