She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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