I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
