I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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