i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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