Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
this is an emotional support booty call
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
