I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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