One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
