His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
