batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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