I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
