oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
