no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
