And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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