I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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