Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
