if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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