Someone shit on the floor
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
