3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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