today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
