I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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