so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
