I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
