I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
