is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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