Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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