He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
