My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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