I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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