your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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