what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize