So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Boobs speak an international language.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
