R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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