I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
