i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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