Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
