What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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