You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh god the rape fog is back!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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