she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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