): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
