Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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