I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
