And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
