Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
