So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
