Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
