Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
