The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
