I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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