So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
