either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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