He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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