we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
