Plan B is the new Plan A
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
