we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
