He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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