Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize