Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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