come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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