Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
