OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
