sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
