i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
